Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
