just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
