Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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