and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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