CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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