I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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