All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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