my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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