It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
