I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
