trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
