So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
