so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
