You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
