you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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