If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
