What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
