VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I believe in your delicious
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
