They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
