I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
