The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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