omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
