Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
