I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
