if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
