oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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