At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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