I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
