I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
