wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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