She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
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I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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