I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
