you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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