Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
