i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your penis caused this!
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