I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this just has baby written all over it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
