Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
