Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize