I think im going to throw up on grandma
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
