I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
