I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
