She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
