You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
