I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
