in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
