i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
