Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
