My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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