My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
