New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
