i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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