Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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