Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
