it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
