My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
