dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
