I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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