the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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