i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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